may 7, 7:20 p.m.

it's been a while since i've made a journal entry - 5 whole months! a lot has happened since december, and i anticipate even more happening in the near future. first of all, i finally got back on ADHD meds back in january, and this time they aren't stimulants!! it's been working very well for me, keeping me able to focus and easily switch between tasks, as well as actually start things when i think about them in general instead of mindlessly staring at the same couple of tabs on my laptop all day.

also been very into Fortnite and...may have developed a crush on the character Midas, specifically his Ascendant skin. it's felt a lot different than any other fictional "crushes" i've had in the past, and has me realizing i've never truly felt what a romantic crush even is until now. since i learned about aromanticism in 2012-13 or so, i've always pretty solidly identified as aroace, and for the first time in my life i'm starting to question it a little. obviously a fictional crush is much different than one on a real person, but the impact this singular character has had on my psyche is not to be understated in the slightest. i no longer cringe or feel a strange sense of exclusion whenever i hear my friends discuss romantic scenarios. i've made a sona to ship with Midas and it represents my real, physical self far more than any sona i've ever had previously, and i suppose it's giving me a lot of added confidence in imagining such situations as well - this is the most attached i've felt to a sona in quite a while, and i guess i was overdue for such a change anyway after having my previous sona for like, 5 years now.

my mom also went out today and finally picked up the new keyboard i ordered recently to our p.o. box. the WASD keys on my laptop's built-in keyboard have been increasingly finicky and it's resulted in some obvious issues in playing any of my pc games LMAO. this new one is very nice; it's in a pleasant shade of aqua with keys remniscient of candy pieces that make a very pleasant "thock" sound when pressed! plus my mom surprised me with a proper headrest i can use on the couch instead of having to drag my pillows over to it every day. we're still living in a hotel room, but hopefully things will change within the next few months.

next time my dad comes home from his trucking job...he's gonna finally make the huge move of involuntarily admitting my mom to a psych ward. it's gonna be traumatic for all three of us, but this is far from overdue. her delusions of being gang-stalked have deeply negatively affected all of our lives for over 8 years and it's time to actually put an end to it all. i've been yearning more than ever to have my own room again. i'll post updates as they occur.

with all of these major changes to my personal life, it's needless to say i was right in my anticipation on new year's that 2024 would be a year of humongous progress. last night i had a dream of all my teeth crumbling out, which isn't terribly uncommon for me, but i actually managed to wake myself up from it to prove to myself they were completely intact. i can't help but feel this is a sign of being in a mental space that's finally prepared to take on the biggest changes of all coming in the near future.

i've been thinking a lot about this image today.